This week was a hard week for me because I felt like I wasn’t thriving. It was utterly disappointing compared to the week before. It left me frustrated and a bit angry. Angry that I felt called to create art and was doing everything I felt called to do. Sacrificing so much to put into this calling. I also have the most supportive husband who has also made sacrifices but only pushed me to keep creating and in total agreement, we sacrificed together.
This week I felt the weight of those sacrifices, and either I refused to see any benefits so far or I believed we would never see the benefits. It’s tough when doubt begins to enter.
But yesterday, I listened to a podcast where the guest made the comment that she often goes through projects and hits a point where she questions if she will ever matter. She put words to my feelings. I felt I didn’t matter, my work didn’t matter. Yep, my doubt was bad.
Then I saw a post on Instagram with a train going by and a car stuck at the stop waiting on the train. The caption read: “The long train does not care about your impatience, the only thing you can change is your capacity to wait on it.” Y’all, this is a long train and there are sacrifices and ugly parts but there is also something else beautiful popping up. Hope (and my super supportive husband). My capacity to wait anymore was shrinking and I needed a way to expand that capacity again.
This was a hard week (shoot – we might call it a hard couple of years), but I know what I’m called to do, I know what I have a passion for, and I have hope. So I’m deciding to lean in to taking steps forward even if I feel like I often take steps back.
What does that look like for me? I plug away at creating. I draw, I print, I keep creating. But, I also do the things I know bring me out of doubt. Things like practicing gratitude, focusing on my vision, and cultivating my affirmations. It is in this spirit that I began working on this new project. A need to continually return to those things that cultivate self care. So, I can’t wait to share with you the final versions of this project.
So, I am expanding my capacity to wait and create. And as I heard someone else say – Big things take big commitment, big love, and big time.
Here are some of the sneak peeks of the new project I have coming out. Video of the lettering process and illustration process.